Ni uruhe ruhande umugabo akwiye kujyaho igihe nyina yashyamiranye n’umugore we?

Yanditswe na Dufitumukiza Salathiel
Kuya 21 Ukwakira 2020 saa 03:38
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Hibazwa kenshi uruhande umugabo yakabaye aherereyeho hagati yo kumvira nyina umubyara cyangwa umugore bubakanye urugo mu gihe bagiranye amakimbirane, kuko bose bafitiye ubuzima bwe runini. Ibi bihuzwa no kuba n’ubusanzwe hagati y’umukazana na nyirabukwe hakunze kuzamo urunturuntu.

Mu buzima bw’umugabo usanga akenshi yubaha, atinya ndetse yumvira nyina. Uwo bashakanye na we ni undi muntu w’umwihariko kuri we, cyane ko iyo biyemeje kubana baba bifuza kuzamarana iminsi basigaje ku Isi.

Iyo habaye ubwumvikane buke hagati y’umukazana na nyirabukwe, umugabo aba ari hagati, buri ruhande rumusaba kwifatanya na rwo.

Ibi bituma abagabo bamwe babura amahitamo kuko haba hari uruhande ruri mu kuri, cyangwa ururi mu mafuti ruba rwumva ko umugabo yakarushyigikiye nk’ikimenyetso cy’ubutsinzi.

Muri kamere ya muntu, iteka iyo yumva ubushyamirane hagati y’abandi hari amarangamutima agira, ashobora no kugaragarira mu mvugo ze cyangwa ibyo akora ngo abuhoshe. Mu gukiranura impande zihanganye, bake ni bo bagendera ku kuri, abenshi bakagendera ku marangamutima ashingiye ku cyenewabo.

Ari ko se umugabo akwiye guhengamira he mu gihe abo bantu babiri b’ingenzi mu buzima bwe bashyamiranye? Akwiye kwifatanya n’uruhande ruri mu kuri cyangwa ashobora kurwirengagiza kugira ngo ibintu arengere ibindi?

Ibibazo nk’ibyo byibazwa na benshi, ariko hakanibazwa niba n’ahandi hatari mu miryango nyarwanda bibaho kenshi ko umukazana na nyirabukwe badahuza. Ubundi se kuki badakunze kumvikana? Bibaho se ko umukazana na nyirabukwe bumvikana 100%?
Urubuga rwa ThatSister rwagaragaje uko abagore benshi bumva ingingo ijyanye n’uruhande umugabo akwiye kuba ariho hagati y’umugore bazabana akaramata, n’umubyeyi wamutwise amezi icyenda.

Uruhande rumwe ni urw’abagore bashingira ku nkomoko y’umugabo, bizwi neza ko afite umubyeyi wamwibarutse. Mu bihe bigoye by’ubuto bwe, usanga ahanini ari nyina umwitayeho, akamugaburira ari nako amwigisha inzira y’ubuzima.

Nk’isano y’umubyeyi n’umwana, abagore benshi bemeza ko hagati y’umugabo na nyina harimo igihango bigoye ko cyatatirwa cyane ko ari we uba yarabanye na we igihe kirekire cy’ubuzima bwe mbere y’uko ahura n’umugore.

Urwo ruhererekane rw’ibibahuza kuva nyina amusama kugeza amuremyemo ubugabo agashaka umugore, akajya kubaka urwe, ni rwo bamwe baheraho bavuga ko mu buzima bw’umugabo “Nyina ariwe ukwiye gushyira imbere”.

Abari kuri uru ruhande bumvikanisha uburyo umugabo kugira ngo yitwe atyo ari nyina ubigiramo uruhare rukomeye, ndetse akenshi no kugira ngo abane n’umugore we bikagirwamo uruhare na nyina.

Nyuma y’ibyo byose bavuga ko nta wundi muntu uba uzi neza umugabo kurusha nyina, ko kandi buri gihe nyina abasha kumenya ubwiza bw’umugore mbere y’uko n’umugabo we abumenya.

Aba banemeza ko umubyeyi aba ari hafi igihe umugabo yatereranywe n’umugore, nyamara ngo umugore we yamusiga igihe icyo ari cyo cyose.’

Ku rundi ruhande, hari abagore basubije ko urugendo rwo kuba umugabo rutangira asiga ababyeyi be inyuma, akiyemaza gukomezanya n’umugore.

Ibyo ngo bisobanuye ko imyanzuro ababyeyi bamugiraho iba itagifite ireme nk’iryo yari ifite mbere y’urwo rugendo aba atangiye. Bivuze ko ifite ireme cyane ari iyo asanga mu rugendo rushya atangiranye n’umugore we.

Aha bumvikanishaga ko umugabo wubatse aba yavuye mu maboko n’inshingano za nyina wamuhaga uburere n’amabwiriza agenderaho akiri muto, ko kandi akeneye inama n’ibitekerezo by’umugore bemeranyije gukomeza inzira y’ubuzima isigaye imbere yabo irimo no kwita ku bana babo.

Aba bagore bakomeje gushimangira ko umugabo yakagombye kumva umugore we mbere, ngo kuko iyo ataye se na nyina agashinga urugo rushya, biba bivuze ko atakaje igice kimwe ku burenganzira bwe.

Ibyo bigaragarira ku kuba umugore we ari we wita ku bana be, amwitaho we ubwe ndetse akaba azi, kandi yita neza kuri gahunda z’umugabo.

Uru ruhande kandi rwemeza ko ushingiye ku kubaka urugo, wahita ubona ko hatangijwe urugendo rushya kandi ruteganyijwe kuzarangizanywa n’uwo mugore; uba ukwiye kwegurirwa ikamba muri uko kubaka umuryango.

Bagize bati” [umugore] Aba agomba kuba umwamikazi mu buzima bw’umugabo [ntabwo yaba nyina].”

Ikindi ni uko umugabo adakwiye kwibagirwa ko nyina afite umwanya mu buzima bwe.

Mu gihe [nyina] yaba yaramufashe nabi, yaramutaye cyangwa akamugirira nabi, umugabo agirwa inama yo gufata imyanzuro ashingiye ku byo yumva byamugwa neza haba mu mitekerereze n’amarangamutima.

Nyamara ngo mu gihe nyina yamwitayeho akamuba hafi buri gihe, azakunda kwinjira mu mubano we n’umugore agamije gukomeza ubushuti bwabo.

Bivugwa ko nyina w’umugabo aba akeneye kumenya neza ko undi mugore ari kwita ku muhungu we uko bikwiye, nk’uko yakabaye abikora.

Icyakora na none ashobora kurengera, ariko icyo aba agamije ni umwanya ukwiye. Iyo bigenze bityo, ngo biba bitewe n’amarangamutima yihariye ya kibyeyi ku kuba yashaka gukiza umwana we ikibi.

Nyina w’umugabo agirwa inama ko akeneye kumenya ko ububasha afite ku muhungu we bugira agaciro gakomeye cyane gusa mu gihe akiri umwana uba mu nzu ye cyangwa atarashinga urugo rwe.
Iyo umuhungu we akuze akava mu nzu y’ababyeyi, ububasha buba bwimukiye mu maboko y’umugore we yihitiyemo.

Agirwa inama kandi yo kutivanga mu mubano w’umuhungu we n’umugore, akamureka akifatira umwanzuro w’uko yabyitwaramo ku giti cye.

Indi nama ahabwa ni iy’uko umugore ufite umutima n’impeta by’umugabo adakeneye kumenya ko umugabo we agomba kugendera kuri buri cyifuzo cya nyina.

Ngo “Nta mugore n’umwe uba wifuza kubona umugabo we yemerera nyina kumuyobora nk’uwo babana.”

Nubwo bimeze bityo ariko, nyina w’umugabo akwiye kubahwa. Ashobora kumenya umuhungu we neza kurusha umugore we, ndetse akizera ko ikintu runaka kimukwiriye, naho yaba atari we bireba.

Umugabo akwiye kumenya ko we n’umugore we bagomba kwifatira imyanzuro ku bijyanye n’umubano wabo. Kubishyira ahagaragara bivuze ko aba yambuye ubwo burenganzira uwo bashakanye.

Ku mugabo, umubyeyi wawe afite umwanya mu buzima bwawe, ndetse igitekerezo cye ugomba kugiha agaciro; ariko kandi ugafata umwanya wo kugisesengura.

Wowe n’umugore wawe ni mwe mugomba kugena icyo abandi babamenyaho. Umubyeyi wawe akwiye kuza mu mubano wanyu mwabyemeranyijeho gusa. Iyo bitagenze bityo, hatangwa inama ko “umugore wawe yagombye kuza imbere [ni ho ukwiye kubogamira]”

Umugore wawe na nyoko bombi ni ab’ingenzi, ndetse bafite umumaro ariko uba ugomba kumenya igikwiye gukorwa nyuma y’ijambo uvuga ku munsi wa mbere wubatse urugo, uti “Ndabyemeye.”

Si umuryango nyarwanda gusa wihariye icyo kibazo

Ubwumvikane buke hagati y’umukazana na nyirabukwe si mu muryango nyarwanda burangwa gusa, kuko urubuga Family Life ruvuga ko uretse umubano wa Naomi na Rusi bavugwa muri Bibiliya [Rusi 1:16] abagore benshi bemeza ko uwo mubano byoroshye ko uzamo agatotsi, ihangana no kunanizanya.

Nyuma y’inyigo urwo rubuga rwakoze ruganiza abagore batandukanye bo muri Turikiya, bakarusangiza ubunararibonye bwabo bw’uko babanye na ba nyirabukwe, hari ibintu 14 rwagaragaje ko bifuzaga kubwira ba nyirabukwe.

Kugira ngo abo bombi babane neza, umukazana asaba nyirabukwe kureka umuhungu we akifatira imyanzuro mu rugo rwe, gusengera no kwizera ko urugo rw’umuhungu we ruzakomera no kuganira n’umukazana ku ngingo zikomeye ngo kuko ari byo bikomeza umuryango.

Hari kandi gutonesha no gufata neza umukazana mu maso y’umuhungu we, gutanga igitekerezo muri urwo rugo ari uko abisabwe, gufata umukazana we uko ari [ntashake kumuhindura ngo abe uko amwifuza] no kutagira ibyo ateganya ku mukazana.

Umukazana asaba nyirabukwe kwibuka ko kuva na kera umuhungu we yakoze amakosa, kwemera intego umuryango mushya wihaye mu muzima bwawo, kugerageza kumvikana, kwihanganira amakosa y’umuhungu we n’umugore we, ndetse no gushaka umubano mwiza n’umukazana.

Asabwa na none gutekereza ku byiza umukazana we akora n’ubwo ataba umuziranenge, ndetse no guhuza cyangwa kwifatanya n’umuryango mushya mu bihe by’akababaro n’ibyishimo no kuba yakwita ku buzukuru.

Umukazana na nyirabukwe ntibahuza ijana ku rindi

Umunyarwanda yagize ati” Ntazibana zidakomanya amahembe.” Nubwo ibyo byose byakorwa, buri ruhande rugakora ibyo rusabwa ngo rutabangamira urundi, nta wahamya ko babana neza 100% kuko “Nta byera ngo de.”

Gusa bishobora kugabanya amakimbirane no gushyamirana kwa hato na hato mu muryango, ibintu byazana amahoro mu ngo bikanagabanya ibibazo biba mu miryango bishingiye ku bwumvikane buke, birimo za gatanya.


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