Ibi ni nabyo tugiye kugarukaho muri iyi nkuru. Turifashisha ubushakashatsi bwakozwe kuri icyo gikorwa, byagaragajwe n’ikinyamakuru The New York Times.

Kumva ko abandi bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina neza kukurusha

Iki ni ikinyoma kiba mu bantu batekereza ko abandi bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina neza kubarusha, bakagira ibyishimo bidasanzwe kubarusha.

Umuyobozi w’Ikigo cy’Ubuzima n’imyitwarire ku bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina muri Kaminuza ya Indiana, Dr. Herbenick, yasobanuye ko abangavu bari mu bangizwa n’iyi myumvire, bakishora mu busambanyi imburagihe.

Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko umuryango umwe muri itatu ishobora kumara igihe kirenga ukwezi itarakora imibonano mpuzabitsina, kenshi bigaterwa n’uko hari ubwo igihe kigera abashakanye ntibabe bakigira ubushake bwayo nk’uko byahoze.

Dr. Herbenick yagaragaje ko gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina byagabanutse mu myaka ishize bitewe n’impamvu zikigenzurwa zirimo na filimi z’urukozasoni.

Uyu muganga agira inama abantu, by’umwihariko urubyiruko, kutumva ko byacitse bitewe n’uko batari gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, ndetse no kutigereranya n’abakora imibonano mpuzabitsina bifashishije amashusho y’urukozasoni, kuko abayakina babikora kinyamwuga, bitandukanye n’uko bigenda ku bandi bantu basanzwe.

Ibyishimo by’imibonano mpuzabitsina bishingira ku kwinjiza igitsina mu kindi

Benshi bizera ko hari uburyo runaka imibonano mpuzabitsina ikorwamo, aho ibyishimo biyikomokaho bishingira ku kwinjiza igitsina mu kindi.

Ubu buryo nibwo, ariko umuganga w’imibonano mpuzabitsina akaba n’umwanditsi w’igitabo ’She Comes First,’ Ian Kerner, yavuze ko iyi myumvire yangije ibyishimo by’abagore n’abagabo ndetse n’abakundana bahuriye mu gikorwa.

Abagera kuri 18% by’abagore bagera ku ndunduro y’ibyishimo igihe cyabo gihuye n’icy’umugabo, icyakora abagera kuri 37% ntibanyurwa gusa n’ibyo, ahubwo banyurwa n’ibindi bishingira cyane kuri ’clitoris.’

Ibi, Dr. Kerner yabishingiyeho avuga ko imibonano yakorwa mu buryo butandukanye, hatabayeho kwinjiza igitsina mu kindi gusa, byanakorwa, bigaherekezwa n’ibindi bikorwa birimo gutegura neza uwo mugiye gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, buri wese akiha intego yo gufasha mugenzi we kugera ku byishimo.

Uyu muganga atanga urugero ku bantu bafite ubumuga cyangwa uburwayi budashobora gutuma bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina mu buryo busanzwe, akavuga ko bishoboka cyane ko bakoresha ubundi buryo kandi bakishimira iki gikorwa.

Ibi binajyana n’uko imibonano mpuzabitsina idakorwa gusa hakoreshejwe ibitsina, ahubwo ishobora no gukorwa mu bundi buryo cyangwa se hagakoreshwa ibindi bikoresho bitewe n’ibishimisha abantu, uretse ko kenshi bijyana n’umuco w’abantu.

Uyu muganga atanga inama yo kutumva ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ikorerwa gusa mu gitsina, kuko hari ibindi bituma ishobora gukorwa no mu gihe gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina yifashisha ibitsina idashoboka.

Igitsina cy’abagore ntigikenera amavuta yongera ububobere

Igitsina cy’umugore gifite ubushobozi bwo kwakira igitsina cy’umugabo mu buryo busanzwe, ariko hari ubwo gikenera amavuta ashobora kugifasha mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ndetse ibi bigakenerwa n’abagore bakiri bato, aho kuba abakuze badakunze kugira imisemburo ituma igitsina cyabo kibobera.

Bivugwa ko 17% by’abagore bari hagati y’imyaka 18 na 50 bakenera amavuta abafasha mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuza, mu gihe umubare w’abahura n’iki kibazo ugera kuri 50% mu bagore bakuze, ni ukuvuga abatakibyara.

Dr. Herbenick atanga inama yo gukoresha aya mavuta mu gihe bikenewe, kuko afasha mu gutuma igikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina kigenda neza. Anavuga ko abantu bakwiriye guhindura imyumvire, bakumva ko n’umugore ukiri muto ashobora gukenera aya mavuta, aho kuba gusa abagore bakuze.

Nubwo ari ngombwa kwisuzumisha ku bagore batagira ububobere kugira ngo hasuzumwe icyabiteye, Dr. Herbenick anasobanura ko hari igihe biterwa n’ibindi bibazo bidafite aho bihuriye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, bityo ko mu gihe bibaye, bidakwiriye gufatwa nk’ikintu kizira.

Kwibwira ko kubabara mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina bisanzwe

Mu buryo busanzwe, imibonano mpuzabitsina ntikwiriye kubabaza uyikora, yaba umugabo cyangwa umugore. Ubu bubabare kenshi bwagakwiriye gufatwa nk’ikimenyetso cy’uko hari ikintu kitagenda neza mu gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Hejuru ya 75% by’abagore bigeze kuribwa mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, bavuga ko baje kwisuzumisha bakaza gusanga hari ibindi bibazo bari bafite byatumaga baribwa mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Ibi bisobanura ko mu gihe uribwa mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ari ngombwa kwisuzumisha, hagasuzumwa impamvu ibitera.

Kenshi hari igihe kuribwa mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina bishobora kwerekana ibibazo by’imisemburo, kanseri y’inkondo y’umura, ihungabana n’ibindi bibazo.

Umushakashatsi mu bijyanye n’imyitwarire y’abagore mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, Shemeka Thorpe, yagaragaje ko abagore bamwe bavuga ko ububabare mu mibonano ari ikimenyetso cy’uko yagenze neza, ibi bikaba bitandukanye n’ukuri.

Ati "Yego. Birumvikana wababara igihe utakaza ubusugi cyangwa mu minsi ya mbere ukoze imibonano, ariko se mu buryo buhoraho?"

Ibi kandi ni nako bimeze ku bagabo, kuko ububabare mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina ari ingingo yo gucungirwa hafi, ikwiriye gushakirwa ibisubizo binyuze mu nzira yo kwivuza.

Abagabo bakenera imibonano mpuzabitsina kurusha abagore

Benshi batekereza ko abagabo bakenera imibonano mpuzabitsina kenshi kurusha abagore, ariko muri rusange, iki ni igikorwa gikenerwa na bose.

Kenshi usanga abagabo bahorana igitutu cyo gutangiza imibonano mpuzabitsina, bagahora bumva ko ari inshingano zabo, mu gihe abagore nabo ukunda gusanga hari amahirwe bibuza yo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, kuko batinye kwerekana ko bayikeneye.

Ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko ku mpuzandengo, abagabo bikinisha kenshi kurusha abagore, icyakora ibi ntibisubanuye ko bakenera imibonano mpuzabitsina kubarusha. Icyo bwerekana ni uko urebye uburyo iki gikorwa gikenerwa, bigaragara ko abagabo n’abagore bakenera imibonano mpuzabitsina mu buryo bujya kungana.

Dr. Kerner ati “Abagabo bagira ipfunwe igihe bavuze ko badashaka imibonano mpuzabitsina, bagashyirwaho igitutu cyo kuba nyambere mu gutangiza iki gikorwa, kandi bose birasanzwe ko bayikenera."

Imibonano mpuzabitsina ikenerwa by’ako kanya

Uzumva abaririra mu myotsi igihe bahuye n’ingaruka zatewe n’imibonano itunguranye. Abaganga b’imyitwarire mu mibonano mpuzabitsina n’abashakashatsi muri rusange bemera ko hari amoko abiri y’ubushake buganisha ku mibonano mpuzabitsina, ibyo bamwe bashobora kwita irari.

Ku muntu ufite uwo bakundaga ariko bakaba bamaze igihe gito bakundana, ashobora kugira ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina nawe, nk’ibihe bahuye, ugasanga icyo gikorwa gikenewe ako kanya.

Gusa ubundi buryo ni ubwo gutegurana, aho abagiye muri iki gikorwa bafata umwanya wabo bakabanza gutegurana kugira ngo baze kwinjira mu gikorwa buri wese abyiteguye.

Umuhanga mu bijyanye n’imitekerereze wanditse igitabo kitwa ‘Better Sex Through Mindfulness’, Dr. Lori Brotto, yagaragaje ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ishobora gukorwa nta rari ry’ako kanya ribayeho, igakorwa binyuze mu kubanza gutegurana hagati y’impande zombi.

Ati “Imibonano myiza itekerezwaho. Ni nk’uko wajya ku kibuga cy’imyitozo ngororamubiri utabishaka. Igihe ugezeyo umubiri utangira gukora."

Imibonano yateguwe irarambirana

Hari abantu batekereza ko imibonano mpuzabitsina itunguranye, imwe ishobora kubera ahantu nko mu birori aho nta myiteguro myiza iba yabayeho, idatanga ibyishimo nk’imibonano mpuzabitsina idatunguranye, imwe itegurwa buri wese akayijyamo azi ikimujyanye.

Dr. Brotto yahakanye imyumvire nk’iyo, avuga ko bitandukanye n’ukuri kuko ibyishimo by’imibonano mpuzabitsina bidashingira ku gihe n’uburyo ikozwemo, ahubwo bishingira ku buryo buri wese agira uruhare mu gushimisha mugenzi we.

Yaribajije ati "Ese hari gahunda utegura mu buzima bwawe zigufitiye inyungu, ukifashisha n’ingengabihe mu kuzizirikana? Biba byiza kurushaho iyo hateguwe n’imibonano, kuko hatekerezwa byinshi birimo n’ingaruka cyangwa uburyo yakorwamo."

Uyu muganga avuga ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ishobora no kuryoha kurushaho mu gihe ikozwe yateguwe, kuko abayirimo batagira impungenge z’impanuka zirimo inda zitateguwe, bishobora kuyiturukamo, bityo bakayikora bisanzuye kurushaho.

Igitsina gito no kurangiza imburagihe

Benshi mu bagabo bagira impungenge zo kugira igitsina gito cyangwa se bakanabura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Mu rusange, abagabo bakiri bato batekereza ko badafite uburenganzira ubwo ari bwo bwose bwo kubura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko iki kibazo gisanzwe kibaho no mu bagabo bakiri bato. Urugero, hejuru ya 8% by’abagabo bari munsi y’imyaka ya 20 bagira ikibazo cyo kutagira ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Uko imyaka yiyongera, iki kibazo kigenda kirushaho kwiyongera kuko 11% by’abari mu myaka ya 30 bahura nacyo, bikagera kuri 20% mu bagabo bari hagati y’imyaka 30 na 59.

Niyo mpamvu umugabo ukiri muto igihe agize ikibazo cyo kubura ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, adakwiriye kumva ko byamurangiriyeho ngo ajye ku gitutu cyo gukoresha imiti itera imbaraga, agamije kugarura bwa bushake yatakaje.

Ikindi kibazo kigarukwaho ni ingano y’igitsina, aho kenshi usanga abagabo batekereza ko kugira igitsina kinini ari byo byonyine bishobora kugira uruhare mu gushimisha abagore mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Nibyo koko igitsina gishobora kugira uruhare mu gutuma imibonano mpuzabitsina igenda neza, gusa uruhare rwacyo ni ruto cyane ugereranyije n’ibindi birimo gutegura uwo mugiye gukorana iki gikorwa, kumenya ikimushimisha mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina, kwirinda gukora ibyo yanga muri icyo gikorwa n’ibindi byinshi, byose byiteranya bikavamo imibonano mpuzabitsina ishimishije ku bayigizemo uruhare.