Ni ijambo rituma umukobwa ava iwabo za Nyagatare dufatiye urugero ku Rwanda, agasanga umusore w’i Gisagara mu bilometero amagana, akarushyo ugasanga uwo musore abayeho mu buzima bubi ugereranyije n’iwabo, ariko kuko rwiswe impumyi, uwo mukobwa akabana na we muri ubwo buzima ntacyo yishinja.

Rutuma umusore w’umukire cyangwa umuherwe ufite imitungo rimwe na rimwe isabwa kubarwa na za mashini zigezweho, ajya gushaka wa mukobwa bamwe babona bakavuga ko “ubanza umuhungu wacu baramuroze” ariko akabima amatwi akabana n’uwo yihebeye.

Ni uko ruteye, ariko abahanga mu by’imibanire, imitekerereze n’ubundi bumenyi rusange bagaragaza ko atari ikintu cyo guterera aho gusa, ahubwo rubagarirwa, rukukirwa rwakura rukabungwabungwa, wa munyenga warwo ukagomeza gutyo mpaka mu busaza.

Iyo bidakozwe ni ho tubona za gatanya zirenga ibihumbi 673 zibaho ku mwaka ku Isi, mu Rwanda ho raporo y’Urwego rw’Ubucamanza, yerekana ko mu mwaka wa 2022/2023 inkiko z’u Rwanda zemeje agatanya za burundu 3075, zatanzwe ku bashakanye byemewe n’amategeko.

Umuntu atandukana n’undi ari uko hari ibyo batumvikanaho, icyo gihe rwa rukundo ruba rwatangiye kuyonga nk’isabune, ari yo mpamvu izi ari ingingo abahanga bagaragaza ko ziramutse zikurikijwe rwasugira rugasagamba.

Guha igihe mugenzi wawe no ku mwumva by’ako kanya

Umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze wo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika, witwa Dr. Arthur Aron uzwi mu bushakashatsi ku bakundanye yerekanye ko igihe uha umukunzi wawe ari cyo gishobora kugenda icyo muzabana.

Ibi ntabwo bivuze gusa kumarana igihe gusa n’uko ukunda, ahubwo bigera no kumuha umwanya ukamwitaho, ibibatandukanye ukabyirinda, ukamuhozaho ijisho mukaganira murebana, by’akarushyo ukumva intekerezo ze n’uko yiyumva.

Ibi bigaragaza ko iyo abakundana bahana umwanya utaziguye, urukundo rwabo rubera abandi urugero, iterambere ry’urugo ku bubatse rikazamuka, ha handi umuntu abonwa bagatangira kuvuga ngo Imana yamuhaye umuntu mwiza, nubwo ari byo ariko uwo muntu yanamufashe neza.

Amagambo asubiza intege mu bugingo

Dr Gary Chapman, usanzwe ari umwanditsi ariko akamenyerwa ku ndimi eshanu yise iz’urukundo (The Five Love Languages), agaragaza ko abantu batandukanye babayeho ku bw’amagambo nk’aya babwirwa akabasubiza intege mu bugingo urukundo rugakura bagasagurira n’abandi.

Aha ni ha handi utinyuka ukavuga urwo ukunda mugenzi wawe mu buryo bw’amagambo, ndagukunda ikaba ndagukunda, ukamwereka ibyiza afite ukunda, igisobanuro cye kuri wowe n’uburyo ibyishimo byawe byose ari we ubikomoraho.

Abahanga bo muri Kaminuza ya Georgia bagaragaza ko abantu bahora bagaragarizanya ako kanyamuneza, umwe abwira undi ko amukunda ariko yagwa no mu makosa akamucyaha by’uje urukundo, urukundo ruraramba kurenza ya myaka 70 ba bahanzi bavuze.

Gukorerana uturimo

Ninde bitashimisha kuva mu kazi uri umugabo ugasanga ibiryo birateguye, urariye, imyenda yagorowe, amasaha yo kuryama arageze, umubyizi umwe wo mu gitanda utanzwe mu mahoro no mu munyenga w’urukundo, urabyutse inkweto zahanaguwe, usubiranye ku kazi amafu aho kuba amavunane?

Ntekereza ko ntawe. Kuri iyi nshuro abahanga mu by’imibanire bagaragaza ko iyo bene ibyo bikorwa niba ari magirirane kuko uko kwitanaho bituma ubuzima bworoha kuri mwese.

Nta cyashimisha umugore wawe kubona nimugoroba utashye kare, agasanga watetse, agasanga wateguye ibyo kurya cyangwa wabwiye ubafasha imirimo yo mu rugo icyo gukora, icyayi, ikawa, igikoma bitewe n’icyo akunda byateguwe, buriya, urwo rugo uba urwubakira ku rutare ha handi guhirima biba ari inzozi.

Ubushakashatsi umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze w’Umunyamerikakazi Shelly Gable, yanyujije mu Kinyamakuru kinyuzwamo inkuru n’ubushakashatsi bishingiye ku mitekerereze cya ‘Journal of Personality and Social Psychology’ avuga ko udukorwa nk’utwo abantu batitaho ari two dukomeza urukundo ndetse no kwiyumvanamo, ha handi umwe aba adahari undi agasa n’uwarwaye.

Si ku bashakanye gusa, kuko n’abakiri mu rugendo rwo kubana, udukorwa umukunzi wawe atari akuziho ndetse atatekerezaga dutuma byiyongera, kubana bikaba ya nzira uko bigenda kose amaherezo aba ari mu nzu.

Impano zitunguranye

Impano ni cyo kintu gishimisha cyane hagati y’abakundana. Kuva kuri bombo igura 20 Frw, ururabyo rwa 5000 Frw, ticket yo guhaha, kugeza kuri ya modoka igura akayabo ka miliyoni magana, buri wese mu bushobozi bwe impano ntijya igawa.

Nubwo atari buri muntu ubiha agaciro, hari ubwo kwakira cyangwa utanga impano ari byo bintu bya mbere bisobanuye urukundo kuri bamwe.

Dr. Chapman yashyize impano muri za ndimi eshanu z’urukundo, aho agaragaza ko bitagombera kuba zihenze na cyane ko igitekerezo ari cyo cy’ingenzi, wahamya ku cyo mugenzi wawe akunda, bikaba akarushyo amarangamutima agahinduka ibyishimo bisendereye.

Gukoranaho (bitagamije ubusambanyi)

Gukoranaho mu buryo busanzwe bituma umuntu mukundana mukomeza kwiyumvanamo ariko mukirinda ko birenga bikaba byabajyana mu moshya.

Kuva ku guhana ibiganza, guhoberana, gusomana ku itama cyangwa ku gahanga ku babyujuje (aha ndavuga abujuje imyaka y’ubukure igenwa n’ibihugu) batarashakana no ku bashakanye abahanga bagaragaza ko bivubura imisemburo ituma mwiyumvanamo, ibya ka gati k’inkubirane gutangukanya biba bigoye.

Umuhanga muri ibi byo gukoranaho, wo muri Kaminuza ya Miami witwa Tiffany Field, yagaragaje ko uko gukoranaho bivura umunaniro, stress, bigatuma n’umuntu yishakamo ibyiyumvo yo kumva atuje nta kujarajara kumurangwamo.

Icyakora agaragaza ko ari byiza kumenya uburyo mugenzi wawe abyishimira n’uburyo abyiyumvamo kuko hari ababikorerwa bakabifata nabi ibyari urukundo rubagarirwa bigahinduka amarira.

Itumanaho ritaziguye

Inzobere mu gukundana ba bantu bazi icyo urukundo ari cyo, bagaragaza ko n’iyo waza umutunguye, ukamubaza aho umukunzi we ari, ahakubwira adategwa, akakubwira imyenda yambaye yose ndetse n’ibindi bititabwaho n’abandi.

Ibi bisobanuye itumanaho rihambaye, ha handi mugenzi wawe uba uzi icyo agiye kurya, ibyiyumvo afite uwo munsi, ku buryo anagize ikibazo uba ugomba kumenya uko umutabara n’aho umukura.

Ibi bijyana no kugaragaza icyo ushaka mu buryo bw’ako kanya, umukunzi wawe ukamwumva utamuhutaje, niba utanabikunze ukamwereka ko ibyo ashaka bidashoboka mu buryo bw’ubwubahane, igisubizo kigashakwa mu buryo bwiza, ibirinda ya makimbirane yo mu muryango ku bubatse.

Urukundo ni ikintu kiza kikagenda, iyo gidafatiranywe kiba amateka, abahanga bakavuga ko rugomba kuhirirwa, rwakura rukabungwabungwa