Inama zagufasha kumenya ko ibyiyumvo ufite ari irari aho kuba urukundo

Yanditswe na Iradukunda Serge
Kuya 12 Kamena 2020 saa 01:47
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Ni kenshi cyane umuntu atabasha kumenya gutandukanya niba ari mu rukundo cyangwa se niba ibyiyumvo afite ari iby’igihe gito bizagera aho bikarangira agasigara abona uwo yibwiraga ko akunda nk’umuntu usanzwe.

Hari umukobwa watanze ubuhamya avuga ku mibereho ye mu rukundo, agaruka ku buryo yibeshye ku musore akagira ngo aramukunda kandi atari byo.

Ati “Ubwo nari mu kazi kanjye nkora mu biruhuko by’mpeshyi, nahuye n’umusore navuga ko yandushaga imyaka myinshi ariko nza kugenda numva akurura ibyiyumvo byanjye ku buryo byanteraga kunanirwa kurya, kuryama n’ibindi bisa nk’ibyo.”

“Iyo nabaga ndi mu kazi akanyuraho tugahuza amaso, numvaga mu mubiri wanjye ngize ubushagarira bwatumaga numva amavi acitse intege, yaba anyoherereje ubutumwa bugufi nkatitira ku buryo ibyishimo nabyumviraga mu nda, kubera ubwana nafashe ubukana bw’ibi byiyumvo nk’ikimenyetso simusiga cy’urukundo.”

Kimwe n’uyu mukobwa, nawe ushobora kuba wariyumvise gutya bitewe n’umusore cyangwa umukobwa runaka wabonaga nk’uw’inzozi zawe, ndetse utangira guhamya ko umukunda gusa nyuma y’igihe uza gutungurwa n’uko utamenye irengero ry’ibi byiyumvo byose.

Uku kwibeshya ko uri mu rukundo ni ibintu bibaho cyane igihe uhuye n’umukobwa cyangwa umusore w’ibyifuzo byawe.

Ibi biterwa n’uko uko umubiri w’umuntu wiyumva igihe ari mu rukundo n’iyo afite irari bijya gusa, bigatandukanira gusa k’uko bimwe biramba ibindi bikamara igihe gito.

Nubwo bigoranye guhita umenya niba koko uko wiyumva biri guterwa n’urukundo, abahanga mu myitwarire ya muntu bavuga ko gufata igihe kinini wigenzura bishobora kugufasha kumenya igisubizo cy’icyo kibazo wibaza.

Zimwe mu ngingo zizakwereka ko uko wiyumva biterwa n’irari aho kuba urukundo.

-  Uzisanga icyo umukeneraho cyane ari uko muryamana

Kuryamana kw’abakundana bibaho ndetse bamwe bakemeza ko ari imwe mu ngingo zikomeza umubano wabo, ariko mu gihe wumva icyo wifuza kuri mugenzi wawe ari uko mwaryamana gusa, aha amahirwe menshi biba byerekana ko ibyiyumvo umufitiye bishingiye ku irari aho kuba urukundo.

Umujyanama mu by’urukundo, David Bennett, avuga ko mu gihe ukunda umuntu umubano wanyu wubakira mu guhuza amarangamutima aho gushingira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina gusa.

-  Ntumusangiza byinshi mu bigize ubuzima bwawe

Niba ufite umusore cyangwa inkumi runaka wumva wihebeye ariko ukumva umubano wanyu waguma woroheje, ukanga ko byagera mu marangamutima akabije, ibi biba byerekana ko icyo umufitiye atari urukundo nk’uko ubyibwira ahubwo ko bishobora kuba biterwa n’irari.

Ibi byemezwa n’umuhanga mu mibanire y’abantu Kimberly Hershenson aho avuga ko kudahuza amarangamutima bishobora kuba ikimenyetso gikomeye kigaragaza ko nta rukundo ruhari.

Ati “Niba mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina bikagenda neza ariko ntimugire uguhuza mu marangamutima ndetse umwe akumva adafungukiye undi, byaba ari irari aho kuba urukundo, niba buri gihe ushaka ko muryamana ariko ukumva udashishikariye ko mugirana ibiganiro, iri ni irari si urukundo”.

-  Ubaho mu kwigaragaza uko utari

Kwishushanya ni kimwe mu bimenyetso bikomeye bigaragaza ko ibyo umuntu arimo atari urukundo.

Hershenson avuga ko urukundo rurangwa no ku bwizanya ukuri. Ati “Usanze ukunda ubuzima bwo kwishushanya kuruta kuba umunyakuri no kuvuga bimwe mu byo ubona bitagenda neza mu mubano wanyu, birashoboka ko ibyo atari urukundo, iyo ukunda umuntu hagomba kubaho kwizerana, ukuri no kuganira ku bitagenda.”

-  Ntugira ukwigomwa

Kuba wareka gukora ikintu runaka wakundaga cyangwa ugaharika gahunda yari igufitiye akamaro cyane, byose ukabikora ugamije kunezeza mugenzi wawe ni ikimenyetso gikomeye kigaragaza ko umukunda.

Ibi bihamywa n’umwarimu w’ibijyanye n’imibereho ya muntu muri Kaminuza ya Rutgers muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika, Dr Helen Fisher wagize ati “Iyo uri mu rukundo uba wifuza kwigomwa hafi ya buri kintu cyose kubera mugenzi wawe, kugeza n’aho bishobora kugushyira mu byago ugerageza gushyira mugenzi wawe imbere.”

Bitandukanye n’urukundo iyo ufite irari ntushishikazwa cyane n’ibyishimo bya mugenzi wawe bigatuma wumva ntacyo wakwigomwa kubera we cyangwa se wanabikora, ukaba ugamije kwanga ko yacyeka ko utamukanda, muri make ukabikora kubera kubura uko ugira.

-  Ntumushyira muri gahunda zawe z’ahazaza

Mu gihe ufite irari ukomeza kwita kuri gahunda zawe z’ahazaza nk’uko bisanzwe ndetse ukumva nta mpamvu ukwiye yo kuzishyiramo uwo muri kumwe.

Ku rundi ruhande, urukundo rurangwa no gushyira umukunzi wawe muri gahunda zawe zose z’ahazaza kugeza n’aho iyo muri kumwe n’inshuti zanyu wisanga akenshi uri gukoresha amagambo arimo ‘twe dushobora kutaboneka, ntabwo turabitekerezaho, tuzababwira n’andi’ ibi bigaragaza ko uyu mukunzi wawe umushyira muri gahunda zawe zose ndetse ko umugambi umufiteho ari uw’igihe kirekire.


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