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‘Table Relationship’; uburyo bugezweho bwo kuzimya icyaka cy’umubiri muri Kigali

Yanditswe na Uwiduhaye Theos
Kuya 30 June 2022 saa 03:09
Yasuwe :

Gutereta biragora, sibyo? Ibaze kubyuka mu gitondo ugomba kubaza umukunzi uko yaraye, aho ugiye ukamumenyesha, byarimba akagusaba ko muhura, ubwo amasaha yo kuvugana nijoro ntitwayabaze, byagera ku mafaranga agenda mu bijyanye no gusohokana bikaba ibindi bindi. Yewe ni koko umusore utiraririye ntarongora inkumi!

Birumvikana ko gukundana, cyangwa se guteretana bitagira umurongo umwe bikurikiza, bamwe baravugana cyane abandi bakavugana gake, hari abasangira amakuru yose y’ubuzima bwabo abandi bakaganira ku byo bahuriyeho gusa, mbega buri ‘couple’ ibigenza uko ishaka, ariko igihuriweho ni uko bisaba kwigomwa ku bwa mugenzi wawe, ari nayo mpamvu hari abatebya bavuga ko ‘bitera stress kandi bitinjiza.’

Kenshi abantu bakundana kuko bumva bashobora kuzabana, ariko si ibyo gusa kuko hari n’ababikora kugira ngo birinde kujarajara, bagire umuntu umwe bazajya bahura mu gihe bifuza kuzimya imibiri yabo, muri cya gikorwa cy’ingenzi kibera mu buriri.

Mu gihe gutereta bishobora gutera bamwe ‘stress,’ imibonano mpuzabitsina igira uruhare mu kuyivura, nk’uko byagaragajwe n’abahanga batandukanye mu bushakashatsi bwinshi bwakozwe kuri iyi ngingo, burimo ubwa Donna Wang na bagenzi be bwatangajwe muri ‘The Journal of Health and Social Behavior.’

None niba imibonano mpuzabitsina ari ingenzi ku buzima bwa muntu, ariko kujya mu rukundo kugira ngo uyikore wisanzuye bikaba bigoye, ni gute umuntu yasimbuka iby’iyi nzira y’urukundo kandi ntazitirwe no kubura uwo bakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina?

Abanyakigali rero nta mikino bishatsemo ibisubizo, aho benshi, cyane cyane abakiri bato, badukanye imico idasanzwe yo kugirana umubano wihariye kandi badakundana, ugasanga bahurira ku mibonano mpuzabitsina gusa, ariko ibya ‘stress’ z’urukundo’ ukabibarinda.

Ubu buryo bw’imibanire bugezweho mu rubyiruko rwahawe izina rya ‘Table relationship.’ Aha usanga umuhungu n’umukobwa, cyangwa abanyamuryango ba LGBTQ, bashobora kugira gutya bagahurira nk’ahantu mu kabari cyangwa mu kabyiniro, bakemezanya bikarangira batahanye, rugahana inkoyoyo ijoro ryose bashimana bakiyemeza kuzongera, ariko ubwo bikaba bigarukiye aho gusa, ibyo gucungana n’ibijyana nabyo bimenyerewe mu rukundo bikaba bitagomba kuzamo.

Ku ruhande rumwe, ushobora gusanga nk’umusore amenyera umukobwa iby’ingenzi akeneye, wenda akaba yamuha amafaranga yo kwita ku musatsi we n’ibindi nk’ibyo, ariko akaba adashobora kumubara nk’umukunzi we.

Ibi bitandukanye na bimwe abantu bahurira ahantu bataziranye, imibiri ikabarya bagahitamo kwihugikana hirya aho kabone nubwo ntawe uba azi undi, ibizwi nka ‘One night stand.’ Muri ‘Table relationship’ ho abantu baba babiziranyeho, ariko umubano wabo ugarukiye ku mibonano mpuzabitsina gusa. Mu magambo make, ‘One night stand’ ishobora kuba intangiriro ya ‘Table relationship.’

Iy’ubusamo iganisha ku byishimo birambye…?

Njya kumenya ibya ‘Table relationship’ nabanje kubiganirizwa n’umwe mu nshuti zanjye wambariraga inkuru z’abasore bagenzi be batakiburira ku kabyizi, namubaza igihe dushobora kuzinywera akankwena ati “Iby’ubukwe nta bihari kuko badakundana, ni bya bintu biri aho byo kwishimisha gusa.”

Urumva kuryamana hagati y’abantu badakundana, cyangwa se bataziranye, si igitangaza. Ni ibintu bibaho cyane ubaze ingo bimaze gusenya bwagukeraho, ariko kubigira gahunda y’igihe kirekire ntabwo bimenyerewe, nubwo bitavuze ko ari umuco w’inzaduka, uretse ko ushobora kuba uri kuganwa na benshi muri ibi bihe.

Uyu musore twaganiraga yambwiye ko uyu muco uwusanga mu bakiri bato, nk’urubyiruko rukiri kuminuza cyangwa se abamaze igihe gito barangije amashuri, ariko batarafatisha ubuzima.

Rimwe na rimwe usanga ari igikorwa cya mpa nguhe. Uretse kungukira mu mibonano mpuzabitsina, dore ko ari ingenzi ku mubiri wa muntu, hari ubwo usanga umuhungu agira amahirwe yo kubona uwo bakorana iyo mibonano bitamugoye, na cyane ko abahungu bayishaka kenshi kurusha abakobwa, nk’uko abashakashatsi barimo Dr. Edward O. Laumann wo muri Kaminuza ya Chicago babigaragaje.

Ku ruhande rw’umukobwa, na cyane ko abakunze gukoresha ubu buryo baba bakishakisha, usanga bashobora kungukira mu kubona ibyo bakeneye mu buzima bwa buri munsi, bityo bagahora basa neza kandi bishimye.

Uyu musore yambwiye ko hari abo azi “Bafitanye umubano n’umusore bahujwe n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, ariko baba banafite abandi bakunda ku ruhande, ari nabo baba bapanga imishinga y’igihe kirekire.”

Cyiza (amazina yahinduwe) ni umwe mu bo twaganiriye, wadusobanuriye impamvu akunda Table relationship, ati “Urabona muri iyi Kigali biragoye, hari ubwo ukundana n’umuntu ariko mudafite umwanya wo gukomeza kubonana bihoraho, ugasanga ashobora kurakara ngo ntabwo umwitaho. Ibyo ni ibintu bigoye kuko nawe ushobora kuba utabona umwanya wo kuruhuka, kandi wareba ugasanga n’imishinga y’ubukwe ntayo ufite hafi aho, bigatuma ureka kwiteranya n’umwana w’abandi ugashaka abo muzajya muhuzwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina gusa.”

Mugenzi we Kamali (amazina yahinduwe) yongeyeho ati “Abakobwa bakunda kwitabwaho, iyo mukundana usanga aba yiteze ko umuhamagara buri kanya, ukamusohokana, ukamwitaho mu buryo bwose, mbega ukabona ko bigoye kuko bihenze, bikaba binatwara umwanya. Byajya gupfa ugasanga unakeneye ko mwimara ipfa ntabyemera, kandi ntabwo wamurenganya buri wese agira uko atwara ubuzima bwe... ibyo byose iyo ubirebye ushobora kwibaza ibyo urimo bikakuyobera.”

Yatanze urugero rw’umukobwa bahoze bakundana, ariko akabona ibyo barimo bitazaramba, agahitamo kumusaba ko babihagarika ubundi akayoboka inzira ya Table relationship, ati “Namaraga amasaha tutaravugana bikaba ikibazo kandi ubwo wenda nagize akazi kenshi nanjye ubwanjye ntabonye umwanya wo kuruhuka. Nabonye ntabivamo nishakira undi mukobwa mubwira ko mfite akazi n’ubwo atari keza cyane ariko ikintu cy’ibanze azajya amenyera ni uko twishimana, nanjye nzajya mumenya mu bintu by’ibanze.”

Yakomeje avuga ko kuva icyo gihe asa nk’uwakize ‘stress’ y’urukundo. Uyu musore avuga ko igihe azahuguka ubuzima abona bumaze kujya ku murongo, azashaka umugore kuko yifuza kubyara umwana kandi uzerekwa ‘urukundo rwa kibyeyi.’

Icyakora mugenzi we yavuze ko ibyo gushaka bizaterwa n’uko ubuzima buhagaze, ashimangira ko mu gihe adafite ubushobozi bwo kurera umwana no kwita ku muryango, adashobora kwemera gushaka.

Biramutse bigenze gutyo, yavuze ko yakwishimira kuzabyarana n’uwo bari kumwe muri Table relationship ngo kuko bamaze kubaka umubano uhamye, ati “Bibaye byiza nazabyarana n’umu-patner wanjye [uwo bari kumwe muri Table Relationship] ubundi umwana nkamurera tutabana. Cyangwa se no kubyara nkabireka.”


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